Uchiha Style
by Abisag Freiheit
Summary: The Uchiha clan will show you how to become a perfect villain! do not panic if suddenly they get angry or have moments of vanity and selfishness: all is because of their Uchiha side.
1. Sasuke level

Because there is always an Uchiha kicking the ass of each stupid hero: badcome to our Villains class! And become our student!

Disclaimer: Kishimoto created Naruto, it´s ok; but the Uchiha clan (and Akatsuki) are of us since he decided to kill them.

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Badcome to the new class to become a villain like an Uchiha.

If you are here, it´s because you are a novice and you don´t know how to annoy the stupid protagonist of your anime. Don´t worry, just pay one hundred million yens and we (the most evil and handsome people of the world) will teach you how to be the most evil from BadLand, how to steal candies, how to tell your brother that he´s adopted, and more!

If you call now and subscript, you´ll get photos of Itachi sleeping (Deidara took them, Itachi never knew it), a pockebola (you can pretend it´s the Uchiha symbol), a box with candies and a Sharingan tattoo.

Yes! And for fifty million yen more you´ll get the exclusive Uchiha Decalogue to read it when you´re bored and bored. And bored.

Just call to 00UchihaBest-123 and make the deposit in your favorite bank.

Warning: we are not responsible if the customer suffers fraud, or is traumatized, or cheated, or stolen ... whatever: no refund the money.

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Have you made the bank deposit? Ah, yes. Here we go!

First: you MUST KNOW WHO I AM. I´m living legend, I´m awesome... I´m Uchiha Indra.

*Evil laugh*

Second: this requires a great deal of blood, sweat and more sweat. Particularly sweat. Because this is not act cool and spite the existence of all the characters of the anime. Nooooouuuu. This is: acting cool and spiting the existence of all the characters of the anime with style, style. So nobody born villain, villain is... only: is. But you gave me money, I´ll try to make you a villain.

Are you ready? No? I don´t care.

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**1\. Sasuke**

This, my student, is the basic level of our teaching.

1\. Step number one! You´ll have to get a Uzumaki Naruto because you´ll need to disturb him. Don´t worry, he´s easy to find: just take the most annoying boy from you class math and ready. Keep in mind that you´ll have to endure his cries and the girls gossip: "you are a couple yaoi". But I told you: this requires sacrifices.

You also have to do that for every two sentences he says he must release an emotional speech (with drops and all) about something like the friendship power and nonsense things; this is essential to keep you in a bad mood for a long day.

2\. You have to get an Itachi, too. Are you agree that there´s not Sasuke avenger without his Itachi haggard? Of course, this is the easiest step if you have brothers, because the brothers are enemies by nature, it´s... it´s just instincts. You only steal his shampoo and let the wise Mother Nature do her work.

But if you don´t have brother (first thanks to God-cofMecof-for it!) um... find any unusually handsome indigent on the street, clean him and pay him to pretend he´s Itachi. Or hit his head until he think he´s Itachi, and he killed the clan, bla, bla, bla. Hm, I think this step would rise you to the Obito level!

If you have your Naruto and your Itachi, and feel that something is missing... it´s because you lack something.

3\. A Sasuke can´t be Sasuke if he doesn´t walk around the street and the fangirls screams when they see him. So, you must be very handsome or you have to be real handsome; if Mother Nature didn´t give you a face very, very, very, very ugly, then follow this simple instruction: paste on your face a photo of the beautiful version of Squidward (Squarepants... don´t you watch TV?). If after this, the girls don´t let you leave because they are begging you to make a child with them, it´s ´cause my advice worked great (I´m wonderful, I´m Uchiha Indra). by the way, we´re not responsible if you lose you virginity in the process.

The last step leads to three unnecessary consequences and you can´t kill them because they´re like immortal insects: Sakura, Ino and Karin. As experts in the field, the Uchiha still don´t have an insecticide to get rid of them. And if we invented it, we won´t give it to you because we are so bad, muahahahahaha.

4\. Also in your diet you´ll always include tomatoes. No matter if it´s mexican tomatoes, roasted tomatoes, tomatoes with pumpkin, tomatoes, tomato sauce, tomatoes with tofu, tomatoes with herbs, tomatoes with tomatoes, and so on... tomatoes are essential to Sasuke. Real Sasuke says... I don´t care what real Sasuke says, I know tomato helps to keep his hair clean and shiny... like a princess.

5\. You´re probably thinking you have it all to approve this level. Nop. You need to be disrespectful to adults. Just remember your sensei always prefers his erotic Icha-Icha over his students, and it´s ready! You´ll lose respect to every adult.

6\. To become rude and sarcastic are a side effect of the previous step.

7\. One of the last steps is to be very intelligent. Or pretend you are very intelligent. Just say little and great phrases, and the others will see you as a brainy kid. With practice and time, even you´ll believe you´re intelligent... even if you´re dumber than Naruto.

8\. Finally, remember: you NEVER, NEVER need to smile happily. Not while there´s someone who can see you. Remember, when you smile cheerfully your dignity will go down to the drain and all these classes will be lost. And we won´t do any refund.

Come on, villain who´s respected never smiles cheerfully, because our sexy and sensual smiles are just chilling and bumptious especially when, you know, you´re about to destroy Konoha for the twentieth time in the year, or whatever. Always keep your poker face (for more information, visit the "Uchiha Decalogue", in the profile of my personal student: Abisag Freiheit). One trick is imagining Naruto living next to you, which always sulks to Sasuke.

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**Hi, people around the world!**

This story began in the spanish section, but I´m traslating it because I want to improve my english (now it´s bad, I know).

If you don´t understand something, correct me or ask me, please!

By the way, I think that Indra would be very rude to speak, I hope no one feels insulted.

Aaaaand don´t forget: nobody pays me to write, just you with your reviews.

**Matta ne!**


	2. Shisui level

What do you want me to say? Congratulations? Oh My Me! It´s Sasuke level! Everyone can do it, even my stupid brother.

And I don´t care if you tell me that he already has the rinnengan and he is going to face with the Nine-Tails Jinchuriki. For me, the Great Uchiha Indra, he's a brat. Point.

...

What?!

Who called me "Old Embittered"?

Bah, better start to the next level before I decide to pulverize you.

**2\. Shisui**

I know what you're going to say, "Shisui wasn´t a bad guy, Shisui gave his life to Konoha, bla, bla, bla, bla bla..." That, my dear student, it's a damn lie!

Any Uchiha has betrayed our name giving his life for Konoha. I, the legendary Oh Great Indra-sama * started screwing the existence of Ashura, Madara ruining Hashirama´s plans, and Sasuke pouring acid in the shampoo of that Uzumaki, we've all done our duty galling Konoha.

And Shisui isn´t an exception.

Just because that brat had a face "I´m an angel" no one believed in Itachi when he said that Shisui took the pictures of Kurenai in the thermal baths and not him. What happened after? Little Itachi would have gone to jail if he wouldn´t be the son of the leader of the Uchiha clan.

Moreover, the boy jumped off a cliff to annoy Itachi. What? He did to help the village? Noooooooo! Shisui was the official Uchiha Nanny and had to take care of all children. That would lead to suicide to anyone. And as his favorite pastime was also annoy Itachi, if Shisui died, Itachi would be the next nanny.

Well ... actually he stumbled, but that's not cool. Nobody respects you for having stumbled on the cliff at the _wrong_ time.

Whatever.

So Shisui was a worthy member of the clan. But if you're still in denial, then answer me how earned his Mangekyo if he didn´t kill his best friend?

Hey, What was I talking about? Ah, yes, the face of an angel.

1\. the first rule is ... (drum roll): real Shisui seems an angel. Seriously, villian villain who´s ugly is never respected; you can´t try to destroy Konoha if your nose is crooked, not'd stay well for a souvenir photo. When have you seen a villain with acne?

Imagine: you're going to teach to your grandchildren the photo of when you destroyed Konoha for the twentieth time, and those bastards point out that you have a snub nose. Not fashion. Hey, scratch that! I mean it's not cool.

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Okay, no need to tell me, your face is not pretty and I can´t blame you: you're not an Uchiha (unless you're one of Madara´s illegitimate brats, a stray bullet). If you have this problem, stop teasing and operate; never mind the high risks to your life by surgery or that this cost millions dollars; we told sacrifices are necessaries.

[At that time appeared a photograph of Shisui and the camera zoomed on his nose... which was snub].

Hey! Who...? Shisui´s nose is right, that's just a bad angle! Who is handling the camera? Itachi!

"I´m not" said a monotone voice offstage. Itachi.

"It's the truth" Sasuke said.

Do you still know what I meant when I told the grandchildren are bastards brats? I just wanna educate villains for the future and these bastards just ruin the shot.

Itachi, Sasuke, don´t you want to go to kill each other?

"Do not".

"What laziness".

It's okay. Itachi, did you know that Sasuke threw your whole endowment dango? Sasuke, did you know that Itachi gave your FaceJutsu ("Facebook" for mere mortals) address to that psycho redhead, to that pinky girl and to a crazy blonde?

"I´m not fool, man" Itachi said. But…

" ITACHIIIIII!"

" Huh ...? Damn old man!"

Well, now those two have gone to meet the family tradition of trying to kill each other, I can continue. Ahhhy, have you seen? We are one big happy family.

Ahem, ahem! Scratch that last.

Go to point two.

2\. Whenever you do something designated as _bad_ by the society, you have to blame another. At least at this level, because if you want to be famous (Madara level), then you have to say what you did even if you didn´t: global warming, Naruto´s idiocy, Sakura´s existence, Frikimaru...

In this case, Shisui jumped (jump, tripp, fall from the cliff: doesn´t matter) and the world believed that Itachi killed him.

That pair of two, I'm so proud.

3\. You must get super mega incredible eyes. Preferably, your Mangekyo don´t follow the rule that sharingan tomoes are multiples of three. Your Mangekyo must have four tomoes; nor yourself know the reason, but people will tell you that is cool, and you can provoke a war! Is not it great? In addition, remember: you´re an Uchiha, and Uchiha rules.

And there you have it, how to overcome the Shisui level in three easy steps.

Level Sasuke: Unlocked, easy as stealing a sweet from Tobi.

Shisui level: Unlocked, as easy as being good looking by nature.

Izuna level: restricted.

Itachi level: forbidden. Go preparing a bazooka and forget your naps.

Obito level: mega-prohibited. You will never be the same.

Madara level: ultra-prohibited. Are you sure you want to get here?

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**¡Hola, hi, hello, ciao, qué tal!**

What a long time! *Giggling* I thought nobody was here until I received the last review, then I remembered this side of the story :3

I don´t like this chapter, not at all; is Shisui, not easy to imagine him as a bad guy! And I had to erase many cracks because are spanish puns.

Izuna and Itachi levels are length and funniest than this, they´re already updated in the original version "Villanos al estilo Uchiha"… which I´ll publish here, I promise!

Thanks to **_Completely Confunded_**, **_Kamuisnipe_ **and **_Hashimito_ **(but Madara and his family have a very big ego, actually).

**Chaito~**


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